Cocaine + Tennis = Winning!

So, uhhh, Martina Hingis is a coke head. Well, at least that's what the drug tests revealed. If you ask her, she's "never used drugs." A urine sample she provided tested positive for cocaine earlier this year during Wimbledon. COCAINE Y'ALL!! She held a press conference in Switzerland and read a prepared statement and said everything an innocent (or guilty) person would say. "I have tested positive but I have never taken drugs and I feel 100 percent innocent. I would personally be terrified of taking drugs. When I was informed (about the test) I was shocked and appalled." Now her camp is even saying the pee wasn't hers! Hingis and her team of experts are "convinced that the doping officials mishandled the process and would not be able to prove that the urine that was tested for cocaine actually came from me." And then she retired. Again. "And so, considering this situation, my age, and the problems I have been having with my hip, I have decided to no longer play tennis on the Tour."

Hingis first retired in 2003 after trying to deal with several injuries. She came back in 2006 and did well for a while before a gimp hip got the best of her. Hingis was knocked out in the 3rd round of this year's Wimbledon and hasn't played since October. Martina Hingis was a phenomenal player, so this is definitely bad for her tennis legacy. She won 5 grand slam titles; 3 Australian Opens, 1 US Open & 1 Wimbledon. She was also the youngest grand slam champion in the 20th century when she won the Australian Open at 16 years & 118 days old. She was great!!

I'm a huge tennis fan, and I have been all my life. This news is very disturbing, and very funny. Can we just say that most athletes are on drugs? If they're not performance enhancing, they're mood enhancing. I know a bit about drugs (just a tad bit, from what I've seen in movies and on the streets of Harlem) and cocaine and tennis go together like that damn racket and ball. Well at least that's how it seems. I mean, think about it. Cocaine makes you happy, so if you lose, it doesn't really bother you and you're still in a good mood. And it gives you increased energy which you definitely need if you're gonna be running all over the court and returning 100+ mph serves. Frankly, I'm surprised more tennis players haven't tested positive for coke.

Ok, of course I'm saying this jokingly, because Martina Hingis really was a great player. She's going to fight the charges, as most guilty (and innocent) people do. But if she's telling the truth, and she's never used drugs and the pee really wasn't hers, then I hope she's exonerated. To retire is one thing, but to go out on a pile of coke is completely different. Well, another one bites the dust. Or sniffs the dust. Whatever.